Pictorial Representation of Next Generation Celebrities

Naming one’s kid is often one of the major decisions a parent could take. Throw in two parents, and the number of practical options for names and vetos increase quite exponentially. But sometimes, you meet someone and end up wondering all day how their parents decided on naming them that. You think Vahanavamsininayaki, Zuma Nesta Rock, Viggo Mortensen, Engelbert Humperdinck, Iggy Pop and Nemo are weird? Wait till you see the kids who are going to be what our kids will look at on floating TVs of the future.

I obviously suck at keeping my posts short. So here, I’ve devised a rebus-like quiz for you to while away your time, curse at me and guess the baby names. If you have kids, bring them in too for the fun game.

Things
Naming kids after things is seemingly commonplace today. The beauty of these names is that you can’t really tell why you’re reading this post.

Gwenyth Paltrow wanted a “wholesome” feel for her baby.

Andrew Taylor, being a writer, could have been more creative.

Leave it to Michael Jackson to give a unisex name for his son. And daughter.

Arthur Ashe decided to name his daughter after her mother’s profession. I’m sure his son would have been called ‘Tennis’.

To be fair, Courtney Cox only named her daughter after the first two letters of her first name and last name.

Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu like the candy bar too, oh yes.

Ingo Rademacher and Ehiku.. ok, never mind.

Shooter Jennings’s favorite game, I’m sure.

Rachel Griffith’s favorite fruit. Or song.

Cute as Josh Holloway is, I’d prefer if he didn’t write codes.

Toni Braxton has large vehicles.

… and must also like her jeans very much.

Sarah Palin sure would know a thing or two about running.

If the father’s name could be Woody Allen, the son could sure as well be named after a bag.

Professions and Halloween Costumes
As if it is not enough that your baby is the child of a celebrity, you give him these names that are as good as having a “KICK ME” sign on his back in school.

Gerard Way named his child- his daughter- Bandit Lee. Perfect.

Christine Brinkley has no idea that her kid might become a successful porn star.

Jonathan Davis’s other son is called Zeppelin. Hopefully after Led Zep.

Sure, Chad Lowe. Except, she’s a girl.

Gotta pick a name for MJ’s son? No problem!

I’m sure Jordan or Katie Price or whatever she goes by today wanted at least her daughter to be classy.

Musician or not, Sarah Palin’s kid will make an excellent exterminator

Then you have combinations:

Penn Jillette’s daughter, the poor girl:

Yes, Moxie, the beverage

It’s a Crimefighter. Best image I could conjure of a “crime fighter”.

Jeremy sisto’s daughter:
Jason Lee calls his son “Simple, dumb, pilot” after the song

Inspektor with a K

Places
Naming kids after places seem to be a growing and disturbing trend.
There are those that are named after countries..

New York doesn’t seem to be Alicia Keys’s favorite place

Georgina Chapman and Harvey Weinstein like my country

When you have regular names like Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger, you had better make sure your daughter’s is unique

Kourtney Kardashian didn’t name her kid with a K

.. and cities…

Rachel Griffiths and Andrew Taylor are encouraging Australian tourism

When your dad’s name is Slash

Bono has a son called Elijah Bob Patricus Guggi Q as well. Yes.

… boroughs of New York City..

David and Victoria Beckham say their son was conceived here.

Ashlee Simpson and the rumble

.. and the state-profession-plant combination that Shooter Jennings and Drea De Matto) came up with:


Animals
Never acceptable, celebrities. Never.

Jason Momoa got too influenced by his role as Khal Drogo. Full name of the wildling is Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa

John Cougar might have figured nothing says virile better than a Wildhorse. As one word. Full name is obviously Speck Wildhorse.

We know of one mansion where Bryan Adams’s daughter would always be welcome.

Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu took giving their kids unique names to the heart. All 3 kids’ names appear here. Now, is this the brand or the animal, I wonder?

And of course, the combinations-

Mark Owen and Emma Ferguson’s daughter:
Jonathan Ross should not have been surprised his daughter came out:

Oooh. Memories.


Fictional Characters
This is where you see celebrities toeing the line between fantasy and crazy.

Of course, the Beckhams do not need to worry about reputation.

Gary Oldman’s son sure is going to have a lot of little imaginary friends.

Ah, Nicholas Cage. You took Clark Kent one step further and assigned your son the name Superman was born with on Krypton, you genius.

Ashlee Simpson, why you would name your son Bronx Mowgli is beyond my realm of understanding

Kevin Smith established himself as the ultimate comic book nerd with his daughter’s name.


Bears and all things blue
You can never get enough of the cuddly killers and the wonderfully happy color.

Beyonce’s daughter is world famous, of course. Mostly because of her name, Blue Ivy.

The Edge’s daughter, Blue Angel.

Alicia Silverstone wanted both ‘Bear’ and ‘Blu’, so it’s the simple Bear Blu.


Abstract emotions, verbs, noise and stuff you can’t fathom
Some names, I don’t even want to make a rebus out of.
Story Elias, Cash Rich, Sunday Rose, Bluebell Madonna, Heavenly Joy, Daisy True, Audio Science(wait, what?), Tu Morrow(eh?!), Lark Song(err..), Sin Halo, Happy Hinds(this is where you picture a baby’s bottom), Echo, West, Press, Chance, Tabooger, Free, Ikhyd Edgar Arular, and Sage Moonblood(you go, Sylvester Stallone!).


Seven is a holy number indeed
The Beckhams put together all these famous names and named their daughter

…as Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu named their son.

(it’s the star)


Families that make you question reality
Here are Forest Whitaker’s four children:

Joel Madden and Nicole Richie have two kids:

Jamie Oliver has four children:

Big Boi’s two sons:

Frank Zappa has four children: Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen. I don’t even know how I can represent those names.

Lil Mo’s two children are called God’Iss Love Stone and Heaven.

Jermaine Jackson’s children are called Jermaine La Jaune, Autumn, Jeremy Maldonado, Jourdynn Michael, Jafaar and, hold your breath, Jermajesty.

Robert Rodriguez has four sons:

Heidi Klum and Seal’s offsprings’ names just roll off your tongue- Leni, Henry Gunther Adeola Dashtu, Johan Riley Fyodor Taiwo and Lou Sulola.

Jason Goldberg has two kids:

Paula Yates, the woman with such a simple name, decided to get creative with her daughters too. She has four- Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom, Little Pixie and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily.

Considering this post has gone on for a bit too long, I think I will stop here. But believe me, I have more material. At the end of this post, I am placing a bet with myself that I will name my first born ‘Alphabet Soup’, my second ‘Sunset Sky’, my third ‘Glowing Face’ and my dog Mitsubishi. In the meanwhile, do tell me what your kids’ names are going to be?

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